Superpower: Anything involving his colossal calves

Weakness: Patience

Hidden Talent: Line chef for hungry Mustachios

Fun Fact: Compulsively washes his truck every weekend pretending it’s a 1989 IROC

Doppelgänger: Ricky Gervais

Signature Catchphrase: “If you’re not first, you’re last”

Personal Team Name: The Steveland Calvaliers

Future Job Title: Yelp Review Specialist